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ROSARY MEN // SHAHD FADLALMOULA

Introduce me to a God
That does not love looking at the bare ankles of angry men
More than he does
The sharp turns between a woman's waist and her thighs

Introduce me to a God
That is not more disturbed by the sound of art
Echoing out of a guitar's belly
Than he is by the pyramid of skeletons building up on Syrian soil

Introduce me to the one
That loves loaded metaphors and coffee stained lips so much,
He wrote 604 pages of perfected poetry...
To carress peace into the frail thing behind your ribcage

Dear Rosary Men, 
Pace your bead-strokes and murmurs to the speed of your heartbeats
And pour me a cup of religion
That does not taste like the metallic flavor
Of bloodlust and dynamite hymns of Haram
Chanted in trance, over and over and over again...

Dear Rosary Men,
Stop telling me to carry you around my wrists
And chant your names like grace for blessings.
When you are nothing more than strung beads
Made of woodwork carved out of the tree
That was Adam and Eve's first undoing.

Echo of a Shadow // Hessa Albanafasaj & MAHA

 
 

In an eastern land where bronze sands roll like waves and is home of the brave. Where horses prance in a rhythmic pace. Where sun shines with glory and grace. There you can hear voices of mothers, telling tales of the evil that smother. They speak of an inhuman fay, in night’s veil it killed all those who stray.

Her shadow-like figure swayed in the darkness, as she walked towards the village in silence. She reached the valley where little huts' lamps glowed. Her eyes traveled from door to door as she spied into the windows of every home. In one of the houses, she heard a little boy crying defiantly “I won’t sleep, I won’t obey”. The mother glared at her young boy, and told him “Fine, but you can’t avoid the evil that is Umm Al Duwais”. The mother wrapped the boy in her arms, and told of a tale from a legend of old. She spoke of a beautiful creature that was very bold.

“There are many tales of late, that spoke of this devil and her angel face. She walked the valley wearing Arabian gold that shone. Her anklets rang. Her bracelets banged. The silk dress covered her dreadful truth. She had donkey’s foot. Her hands were made of sharp sickles, weapons to behead her victims. She was the mother of sickles Umm Al Duwais was her local name. The name that runs shivers through veins. Her perfume scent traveled the wilderness, to seduce a man that strayed, from home he came faraway”.

The mother gazed into her boy’s eyes. The eyes so reminiscent of his father’s, it almost brought her to her knees in grief and sighs. She journeyed within her memory for words although she could not forget the events of this tale. After all, she was telling her son about his own father, who strayed.

“Mother what happened to the man” asked the wide-eyed little boy.

“She starts walking around the valley, gold clanging and spreading her mystic fumes. She finally got the man’s attention; he was drawn to her without suspicion. He thought she was lost; he wanted to help the lonely lady at any cost. She kept her eyes low; she had long lavish lashes, a perfect beauty that turns flames to ashes.

“Are you lost” the wonderer asked.

“She turned around to claim her prize, When he got close enough she lifted her eyes, her cat like yellow gazes could not be disguised. He turned around and chanted his prayers; he ran with eyes full of tears. He knew the myth he came across, she wasn’t a ghost as he once thought.”

“Did he get away, Mother? Did he escape?” asked the little boy in sorrow.

The mother tenderly kissed her boy’s forehead. She placed him down into his bed, covering him with a blanket, and walked away. She approached the door and said in despair, ”No one has ever lived to tell his tale. Anyone who meets her ends up meeting their fate”.

The shadow at the window, stood still, unnoticed by those who lived within. She listened to her own story with pain in her heart she could not bare. She gave the boy a final look; she had always liked children and their innocence.

“I would have been a great mother,” she whispered under her breath, before turning to walk away.

She traveled back to her cave, to escape from the lies’ wave. She remembered the time when she was young human. She was as fair as a moonlit night, long black hair and a face of light. Caravans traveled to her father’s palace, to ask for the hand of his beautiful daughter. She was not always a cursed creature but a victim of a cruel spell from a wizard of hell. She had refused the wizard’s marriage proposal, so he was compelled to avenge his lost honor. On her wedding night upon witnessing her full beauty, he cursed her mirror until she become a monster that spread terror. She remained as beautiful as she was on her wedding night, untouched and petrifying.

Little did everyone know what she was hiding, the helpless creature desired understanding. She wandered the land searching for that wizard. She sought for any means to end this curse that consumed her spirit. She wandered the mountains that he roamed, but she never could find him, nor find solitude.

The myth that was there that she seduced and killed. There was no truth in that, as she is not skilled. She hurt only those who wanted to capture her, hunt her down and keep her captive. The savage hunters had a cruel heart, they wanted to cage her and display her to the masses. “Sell her to who would place the highest bid” She heard them arguing while she hid. They ran a freak show where she was the freak, she killed only those and left them reek.

She retreated to her cave night after night, crying in pain and shriek on her life. The mountains screeched at the sound of her voice, only to be deafened by the wind's hollow screams. An immortal, she became no end to her misery. As a legend she would live, just a mystery.

***
text // hessa albanafsaj
art // maha 

I AM WOMAN/SOMEHOW I'VE SURVIVED // R M

Listen.
I am woman.
Painted lips and painted eyes,
underneath my black Abaya
is where I hide my fists.

Listen.
I am woman.
Words loll around my skull and tongue,
breath somehow enters, leaves my lungs -
a galaxy of bruises on my wrists.

Listen.
I am woman.
But when hair grows where the hair grows,
when I’m more hot blood and less red rose,
don’t chide me for my human-ness
and ask me why I’m pissed.
I am woman. 
I resist.

MY PARENTS WALTZED EVERY MORNING AFTER HEARING THE NEWS // HAYAT

.
Ten years ago when we were told to 
hide if we want to keep ourselves and there might be a rocket
huddling our houses to the sky at any time,

My father took us to the beach and we watched
rockets tiptoe beyond the horizon and
clapped when the sirens and the waves
composed a symphony for us.

.
When my grandmother was prisoned for 
praying against something they didn’t see holiness in
she recorded a video which my mother watched while
eating peaches and passing her fingers through my hair.

.
My parents came from places where 
wars visited them too often.
So they never liked the police and
they bought as many flowers to place in their apartment 
so that their sudden death, if it happens, 
might look beautiful.

.
When my mother died I 
wore a pink shirt and hurried to tell my father.
My father smiled at me and we 
in that split second and among all the mourning
celebrated that little fact. 

.
My parents exhaled tenderness so
repeatedly in our palms that 
love and war don’t cancel each other when
both come at the doorstep.

POSTCARD #1

Sabah el nour,

We just arrived and everything is alright, alhamdullilah.
We had tea with the family, the beach is beautiful and the people are nice and welcoming.
I hope everything is going just fine back home, we miss you. 

Salam.

****

About Mohini's Postcards - This project is one of the most important of my artworks, as it was deeply rooted in the identity part of my work. The " 10 POSTCARDS" project is a fictive exchange between two lovers who are separated for a certain amount of time, because of a specific event that I purposely didnt develop - it could be anything, whether holidays in the homeland or something else. I chose to mix languages to give off a feeling of constant motion, having to move from one place to another without having the time to adapt to any. These postcards follow a person's trip with their families, who learns more about themselves while they're away from their country of adoption. While losing sight of familiar faces, they get in touch with people that resemble them, making them calmer and more organised in their thoughts. I wanted to express the feeling I've always felt of not belonging anywhere because I was too mixed, but simultaneously belonging everywhere, reconnecting with your/my-self through languages, in countries that are completely new to you/me yet being from there. The here, and there, and who, and (re)connection with the self, the death of "otherness" allowing us to erase the ego.

MEMOIRS OF POSSIBILITY // SHAHAD

Dear diary,

The air smelled heavy with tea, musk, and hope. 

I followed the echoes of laughter as they led me to the patio. The sun was shying away from the horizon, and the clouds responded by cracking themselves open to reveal some pink and orange streaks of light that clashed with the clouds’ blue­-white demeanor. It was almost magical, I thought. The sunsets never color the sky like this anywhere else. 

I sat down, across from strangers. I mean, they were practically family, but I had only been around them for a few weeks. They spoke in hurried sentences, and blurs of hand motions. Sometimes, I tried to reach out and grab a word or two from under their lips, so I could decipher them later. But, whenever I pulled the words out of my pockets at night, they came out withered and empty. It's almost like they're wired to the souls of these people. 

Such a shame, I would have loved to take some of their language away with me, when it was time to leave. 

They didn't notice me, of course. These humans never do, but I sat there anyways. Looking for something out of the ordinary to capture with my pen. There was the mother I had been following around. She was wrapped in her usual array of colors streamed onto a long cloth they call thobe, which complemented the bundle of stories she carried under her half smile. Her long fingers, crinkled and soft, were wrapped around a white teacup that marked the coming of the afternoon in all of the houses of this country. I don't know what the milky brown liquid in it tastes like, but to me it smells a lot like ritual. Which is comforting. I have always liked ritual, she is a loyal friend. 

Then there were the others. They were quite odd puzzle pieces, but then again, this country is full to its brim with extraordinary pictures. This house had a little girl who wore her hair in two braids. Her name was Mona, she was fresh with enthusiasm. I figure she's quite young, you know, because it shines brightest around her. But then again, you can never trust enthusiasm to tell you anything about age. These humans are unpredictable. Most of them dim down their enthusiasm as they grow older, but in my lifetime I've seen quite the number of outliers, I can tell you that! Anyways, Mona was sitting by the young man. I don't know what his name is, but they call him Jidu. I know that is code for grandfather in their language, but he had no withered skin, nor did wisdom come to visit him as often as it does all the other grandfathers I've seen. How strange. 

Across from Jidu, on the other bed that took up half the length of the patio, sat the father. He sipped his tea while he flipped through pages of the world. I think they call it a jareeda. I suppose I've told you about it before, it's that fold of pages with pictures and words on it. The humans like to read it in the morning so that they can, later, talk about the things that happen on the other sides of the sea. Many of them put a lot of faith in it and believe what it tells them with very little reluctance, but not this father. He wears skepticism under his seeing windows. I've grown to like him, he's clever, I just wish he would lift this heavy veil he places between him and myself. He would be interested to learn of my adventures abroad. I could teach him a few things about change.

There was a knock on the door, and Jidu went to open it. Hails and greetings filled the air as a few of the father's friends walked onto the patio. The mother rose and walked into the house to bring some more white teacups from the kitchen. The knocks on the doors surprise me as an odd gesture, because no one really leaves their door closed around this time of the day. Everyone is expecting a visit at any time, although they never really know it’s coming. It remains a mystery to me, but then again, many things about this country do. 

The afternoon dragged on, and I was asked to leave the father and his friends' gathering because politics was coming. Politics wasn't a bad guy you know, but our chemistry usually doesn't allow us to co­exist, at least not here. That's just how it is. So I followed Jidu around for a change. He was standing under a tree, whispering into a little box. 

“I’m alright Alhamdulillah , I just miss you. Yeah he’s here, but I don't think they'll discuss any of the formalities today. My father is reluctant, but I told him it was secure enough... but... I know, but... I’m looking for one in Qatar, or the UAE... I don't know if I want to tear you away from... It isn't easy you know... You're all the family I want, but every home needs some ornaments too.” 

He sighed, and then began to talk about his day. His laughter was broken whenever it escaped his lips. I wondered who he was speaking to, although I figured it was a girl because these phone calls always made him wear that face. It was hard to describe what it looked like, but whenever I saw a boy wear it his heart declared its existence more loudly, and his nerves intertwined into butterflies and fell into his stomach. It was interesting to watch. 

Anyways, that’s almost everything noteworthy I remember about that day. The musk wore off, the tea was sipped dry, but hope lingered on to the air. Something was coming. 

 

INGLORIOUS // SAEED RASHED & NIHAL ABDILATTIF

 
IMG_7249.jpg
 
 
 

My heart lies in nostalgia

My heart lies in an ancient land

The ruins were not so ruined

Had the love been loved? 

Had the cold been told

That there's a flame awaiting after falling back? 

Stuck in the future and in my aspirations 

It began to feel like growing up is equivalent to falling from grace.

And every winter the ledge decided to grow taller

And here I am seeming smaller to the abyss 

With every winter the transparent pain wrapped itself around me tighter for a status.

My pen is running dry as I'm writing myself this

"Dismiss

Dismiss"

I kept murmuring to myself. 

But I shall return to this sentimental self of mine with a whole lot of ink

For I am afraid I will get stuck again

In my future and in my aspirations

I yearn for another beam of light 

In the ruins of my emotions 

In the glory of my love 

***
text // saeed rashed
art // nihal abdilattif

 

PASSPORTS // SHAIMA ALSSLALI

We are all, by some means, loyal. To someone, to something, to an idea, or a place. We belong by natural disposition to something of our choosing, hence defining and defending our restrictions in case any insurgence should occur. In a civilised world, most of us (I'm looking at you, Kuwait) have passports that tie us to certain cultures despite our unwillingness to adhere to them. We are children of that land, that is the basis of the system. Problematically, however, for citizens of wonderful Arabia, this appears to not be the case. Whatever land you were born on is of no concern, the real concern is "where can we dump you?"

I'm legally Yemeni, as Yemeni as Yemen gets. My passport is navy blue with a hawk or an eagle or whatever that squinty bird in gold is. I speak my dialect fluently, a gift of my culturally-proud parents. I'm even marginally good at Yemeni cuisine, something I never thought I'd need to learn because, well, I'm also Saudi. I'm Saudi in the sense that I was born here, Saudi in the sense that I've lived nearly 25 years here, Saudi in the sense that I'm more familiar with sand than I am with greenery, Saudi in the sense that I have to ask my mother about Yemen when I effortlessly know the littlest of things about life here, in Saudi.

And so, my loyalties are hazy for I love Yemen. I love Yemen, with its poverty and insufficient infrastructure, its perfect weather, divine architecture and otherworldly scenery, its generosity, hospitality, and wonderful food, Yemen has captivated me. But Saudi has always been home, I can navigate through Riyadh (via driver) with incredible ease, even mastering the detour maze where I insistantly fail a simple left turn behind my house in Yemen.

My loyalties are hazy, and have always been dormant, but now they're not. They're tested, tortured. Stretched from extremity to extremity to the point of laceration. Bombed in instalments 1200 air raids so far that set the cities alight. Terrorised every night for the past 2 weeks dusk till dawn. Annihilated. Demolished. Devastated.

It is very easy to point your finger at an Apache, ripping your sky up in half in patronising force. It's even easier to parade that force in a relaxed air of military supremacy, like a lion strutting out in the afternoon to stretch. It's somewhat difficult, though, to lie in the lion's den and cry for it to come back home. 

My loyalties take no hue, they're not leather-bound pages of pride. They're words of plea away from rubble, glass, and blood.

***
cover photo // steve mccurry 
more photographs of yemen

MISERY LOVES COMPANY // JOHARA ALMOGBEL

 

I'm a forest that's filled with sadness,
An ocean that feels so blue.

A continent that has cow madness
A man that has gotten the flu

A half eaten donut; a dropped ice cream cone
The shattered cracked screen 
of a spanking new phone

A black ugly bruise, a closet of grey,
I'm the lone thread of a dangling fray 

I am misery, mind that you don't forget me
I am much stronger than happy could be

Ouch! Stop that! Don't pelt me with pointy rocks-
Painted in colors and covered in frocks!

No! Don't! Get back from that brownie!
Don't crawl into a duvet that's quite downy!

Stop being content! Start feeling bad! 
Remember all that you could have had!

Oh phooey, I quite give up on you.
You're arrrghh-ptimistic, oh bleh! Pee-yoo!

I'll go to some other ridiculous child
I'll do my magic and they'll go wild.

Fine, okay! Yes I'm leaving now!
No need to dance and shout and-ow!

Okay! Okay! Hold your galoshes. I'm gone.

But let me leave this door open just a crack.
You never quite know when I might be back.